Understanding Body Language

Nearly 80 percent of all communication is nonverbal. This means that most of the message and meaning exchanged between people comes from our bodies: our eyes, gestures, posture, and facial expressions. In his book How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less, Nicholas Boothman writes extensively about body language and the importance of establishing rapport. For this column, I have extracted some of the critical cues that you can adopt immediately into your interactions, both on and off stage. These have been addressed not only in Boothman’s book, but also in public-speaking and communication training programs. They are universal body-language cues that can have a profound effect on your life and career.

When we are startled, we experience a shot of adrenaline that prompts an involuntary response in our bodies. We instinctively cover or protect our vital organs. In extreme cases, our bodies ball into the fetal position. Have you ever seen news footage of a sudden explosion on an apparently peaceful street? People milling about suddenly crouch down into a semi-fetal position. The reflex is involuntary; we are biologically wired to protect ourselves from a perceived threat. On a smaller scale, in our daily interactions with people, we close ourselves unconsciously when we are even the slightest bit uncomfortable. All it takes is a small surge of adrenaline and our bodies begin reacting in unusual ways. I frequently observe people’s reactions to their experience of speaking in front of people. Subtle cues betray their lack of confidence. They fold or cross their arms in front of themselves. They slouch a little, curving their shoulders inward. They turn ever so slightly to the side (trying to avert any possible threat to the body full-on). And they tilt their head downward. All of these signals are the result of a nervous adrenaline surge that prompts an unconscious reflex.

In establishing a rapport with others, whether one person or an entire audience, you must make them feel comfortable with you—instantly.

The problem is that, when communicating with people, this protectionist reflex triggers a sympathetic reaction. Have you ever felt uncomfortable watching a performer onstage who is clearly nervous? The effect is no different in a business meeting or on a first date. In establishing a rapport with others, whether one person or an entire audience, you must make them feel comfortable with you—instantly. If you give them any reason to feel uncomfortable, the rest of your communication will be affected.

The first key to quickly establishing this rapport is to open yourself. Expose your full body by keeping your hands at the side, facing your audience directly, and rolling your shoulders back. But be careful not to portray an attitude of defiance or challenge. What you are offering your audience is trust. You want your audience to know that you trust them with your life. This is the first step in building rapport.

Your second step is to establish eye contact. There are appropriate and inappropriate levels of eye contact. Most people try to remain on the safe side by refraining from any eye contact. My favorite exercise is to walk through the halls at Juilliard and count how many people actually work at avoiding eye contact. They catch a glimpse of someone looking in their direction and instantly avert their eyes elsewhere. Unfortunately, eye contact isn’t a behavior you can suddenly “turn on” when you need to establish rapport at a critical moment in your life. It is something you learn only through a great deal of self-observation and practice. The goal is to find a way to adjust your facial expressions: open your eyes, raise your eyebrows, and invite others to engage in a non-threatening manner. When you are successful, people connect instantly and break into a smile. It happens so fast that they often wonder why on earth they suddenly smiled at you. You’ll know you are successful when that happens.

The third point is the energy we put into our body to beam our communication. There are all sorts of levels of beaming—from extremely low-voltage to red-lined, over-amped, high-voltage. Avoid either extreme. The low-voltage version is certainly more common. How do you feel meeting someone who seems to have just rolled out of bed? No fun, right? Unfortunately, low-energy communication is encountered more than any other variety.

Finally, don’t be afraid to lean toward your audience. Leaning is another unconscious reaction we have in an uncomfortable situation—but we tend to lean backward. This is another protective measure. So often I’ve seen speakers on stage start talking to an audience and gradually take steps backward. In a matter of a few sentences, they’ve actually moved back several feet! Fight this urge and lean forward, toward your audience. In a casual conversation or an interview, lean into the neutral territory and invite the other person to join you. The DMZ between you and the other party doesn’t have to be so dangerous. You can easily step into it and show them that there is no reason to be afraid.

For more information on books and resources on this and other communication topics, visit the Office of Career Development in Room 200.

Derek Mithaug, director of career development, is a Juilliard faculty member and alumnus.