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Vol. XIX No. 5 February 2004 |
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Real Actors, Real Issues, Real Answers On December 12, 2003, drama students had the opportunity to engage in a discussion with four alumni of Juilliard's acting program: Stephen Henderson, Derek Smith, Enid Graham, and Robert Sella. "These are four award-winning actors who have good careers, yet at the same time, they have led lives that I think are very normal for the acting profession," explained Michael Kahn, director of the Drama Division, who introduced them and moderated the discussion. "While they have real actors' success stories, they have faced real actors' issues—and I want you to have the chance to talk to them about what it's really like."
Mr. Henderson (Group 1) talked about his five seasons at the Loretto Hilton Repertory Company in St. Louis (now called the Repertory Theater of St. Louis): "It was the greatest thing in the world to be employed as an actor in that company. That was where I really became reconciled with myself, and decided that this was the life path that I would take." He is currently appearing at the Biltmore Theater as Sammy Bow in Regina Taylor's Drowning Crow (based on Chekhov's The Seagull), and teaches at the State University of New York at Buffalo. His Broadway credits include Ma Rainey's Black Bottom and King Hedley II . His first year out of school, Mr. Smith (Group 14) worked with the Acting Company (called the Juilliard Acting Company in its very early days). "I went into the company right away, and it was terrific for that year because, after being here for four years, acting every day, I'm assuming that a lot of people get out and just don't work—you don't get to act, you don't get to try anything you've learned. The Acting Company was just a year of performing. At the time, I didn't think it was a good thing, but when I think about it, it was so wonderful doing that for my first year out of school." Mr. Smith's Broadway credits include Timon of Athens, The Government Inspector, Jackie , The Lion King, Getting and Spending, Ring Round the Moon , and The Green Bird, for which he was nominated for a Tony. "I sort of thought that I would be 'Shakespeare guy,'" said Mr. Sella (Group 29), who talked about his experience of exploring the world of musical theater after graduating. "You know, I thought that I would go out and hold my spears in a company for a while, maybe move up to a couple of lines, and then just keep going up. But right away, I got into this big, loud Broadway musical ... and it turned out to be wonderful." He continued, "It's nice to have as many tools in the drawer, that you can pull out for any different job, as you can." He appeared as Prior in the Angels in America national tour, a role that he also undertook as a student here at Juilliard. His Broadway credits include My Fair Lady , Sideman, and replacing Alan Cummings as the M.C. in Cabaret. With this question out of the way, Mr. Kahn opened up the floor to the students; giving us a chance to talk to the performers individually about anything and everything we had on our minds concerning what it's "really like" out there. The hands sprang up like weeds. We soon learned that Mr. Sella and Ms. Graham have been a couple since their time together at Juilliard, and are still going strong. This raised questions among a few students about what it's like to have a relationship or a family while trying to pursue a career as an actor. "It's hard," Ms. Graham admitted. "I did find that there was some benefit to it; I was really young when Robert and I met, and I think there was some good, having time apart—being together, but apart. Of course that can also be a disaster. We just visited each other a lot, talked on the phone a lot … I don't think I would ever want to go back to being away from each other for 22 months at a time, but we got through it." "I also think it helps to have someone else in the world with whom you share similar goals," Mr. Sella chimed in. "It's very important for us to find ways to be together … but we're also very work-centered, and our work is important to us." Ms. Graham continued in agreement: "And I can understand why Robert would want to go off and do Angels in America … I would never ask 'Well, why would you want to leave and be away for so long?' I'm just like, 'Of course, go play that role; how wonderful,' you know, and that helps." Mr. Henderson also had a few things to say about having a family as a working actor. "Personally," he began, "I really did need a partner; I needed someone who had their feet on the ground ... If you can find someone with whom you are really willing to try your hardest to make a relationship work, it's the greatest thing in the world. And you have to get very unromantic about it, finally; if you work together, you can build it together. So I think that it's really a help to you if you can find someone. And then, things get even more meaningful when a child enters the picture." Eventually, a question arose that is always a burning issue for actors: unemployment. James Seol, a third-year drama student, wondered how one deals with periods of unemployment, or working for very little pay. Mr. Smith responded: "Hopefully, you've had a job that has paid well in the past that allows you to do a play now that you believe in, that fills you somehow—and you can afford the $200 dollars a week because you've worked hard to save money on another job. I've never done anything else besides theater, but I certainly have depleted savings through periods of unemployment or little pay." "Before I came to Juilliard," said Mr. Sella, "I lived in L.A., and—it's sort of embarrassing to say—I just wanted to be on the cover of TV Guide; I just wanted to be a TV star. The reason I came to Juilliard is that I saw myself driving around one day to an audition at Paramount or something, in my regular costume for auditions—which was, at that time, big, black glasses with tape around them, a pocket protector with lots of pens, pants with a belt up to here," gesturing to his stomach, "and a retainer. And I just looked at myself in the rear-view mirror and I thought, 'I might get this, and then I'll be Urkle forever, or I'll be Gilligan forever.' That's not to say anything against people who choose that path—but I came here because I wanted to see if I could really be an actor. I wouldn't change anything about my life in the theater, I think I've had wonderful opportunities, but I think that it does start to wear on you when your great job that you love, that you fly to every night, only pays you $200 a week, and you're living in New York City. And many of my friends who have gone the other route, pursuing television and film work, have said, 'Yeah, it's wonderful to have a big house and a pool, but every day, I have to go in and do something that I actually think is rather miserable.' And sometimes those things are hard to decide." The conversation about making choices as an actor eventually grew into a broader one about defining for oneself what the actor's craft means, and where one sees oneself in it. Fourth-year student Nels'on Ellis asked when the four actors had thought they had found their path in the profession, and how this realization came about. "I think it's a fantastic question," Mr. Smith responded, "and I think you should know that you will have this question 10 years from now, 20 years from now—always. I am only beginning to make peace with the fact that I can't define it. You know, you're not going to go into a law firm next year and be there for 40 years, and then retire—that's just not the path. It's something that always ends. No matter how famous you become, it still ends; the movie ends or the play ends, and then you're looking for work. People are going to try to define you, and you are going to try to define you. All I'm saying is that I'm starting to make peace with the fact that I need to continue to define it every day. I feel the same way now that I did 20 years ago, asking 'what's next, what do I do?' ... and actually, it's been nice for me to be able to say, 'I don't have to figure it out; it's never going to go away—the end." Mr. Sella concluded: "I think there's a lot of noise on the planet now, in the modern time, not just for actors coming out of school, but for all of us. There are lots of ways that we can look around and decide that we're not tall enough, or we don't smell as good, or we shouldn't be like that—there's all kinds of bombardment all the time. I think that, in all areas of your life, it's worth your while—and it honors you and what you are essentially inside—to continue to remind yourself that having some sense of pride or happiness, wherever you land, is the goal. Because you really never know what's going to happen next. The wonderful thing about this career that has its lows as well as its highs is the unpredictable, 'roll of the dice' quality of it that is so about living, and is really the truth about the way that we live. We never know what's going to happen next. So all of that noise that is constantly around you—do your best to tune it out. Try to listen to yourself and ask, 'What do I want to do?'"
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