By WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE*

(Drawings by Jessica Love)

There is a drama school in town, where students come today
To learn the art of acting and to think upon the play.
It's not for nothing, you should know, that I am called the Bard—
I've always cast an eye on what they do at Juilliard.

Through all the years, I've been quite proud of Juilliard's tradition
And marveled at the theater's generally excellent condition.
And thus it took me by surprise to hear the rumors grow
That, though my plays were well received, the theater seats must go!

You must recall the type of theaters that in my time we had—
In truth, conditions at the Globe were miserable and sad.
Forgive me, therefore, if I show no sympathy today
For those who felt they should revamp the space in different ways.

They said, "Those seats were not the kind you'd find in the Palladium
But more like those you'd come across in Bronx's Yankee Stadium."
They said, "Those seats were blue and hard, causing audiences great pain!"
But I say, in truth, "What's the big deal? Just try standing in the rain!"

They said, "There are no railings to keep our patrons all from falling,
The carpets are dirty and so old—in fact, they're quite appalling."
The floor of the Globe was made of straw, and if someone fell, too bad;
It would take a poor performance for the patrons to get mad.

But I lived many years ago, when conditions were not the same—
In fact they'd be inappropriate for a school of worldly fame.
So while I'm not as sympathetic as you wish I'd be
I support the changes Juilliard has made in improving quality!

The Drama Theater still has blue seats, but at least it now appears
That the seats' soft cushions will give support to oh so many rears.
There's no more errant lighting, and to the actors' great relief
A "blackout" will not be bathed in light to cause directors grief.

A brand new carpet has been laid, making soft the concrete floor,
And railings have now been installed; but wait! there is still more:
An area has been set aside for wheelchair accessibility
To give all our disabled friends even greater possibility.

After reviewing all the changes that have been wrought by Juilliard
I think I must admit that I'd been caught somewhat off-guard.
"The play's the thing" is something that you've often heard me say —
But hark: Forsooth, methinks and hopes it always stays this way!



*not really…

For images of the Drama Theater's renovations, go to the Slide Show: Drama Theater.