Vol. XXI No. 3
November 2005

Keeping Up Appearances

Dear Shrink Rap:
I am a second-year international student. I decided to write to this column because I am not comfortable sharing my problem with anyone that I know. Sometimes I feel as though, in order to be successful here, it is important to always look happy and problem-free. But the truth is, what I look like on the outside is not how I am feeling on the inside. It's getting harder to keep this up, especially when people (even my studio teacher) tell me how great I seem to be. Sometimes I feel as though I will just break down, but I have to be strong. Can you help me?

—Not Feeling So Great



Dear Not Feeling So Great:
You may be surprised, and perhaps somewhat comforted, to learn that you are not the only student who feels this way. Students often share with us that one reason they are "not feeling so great" is that everyone around them looks so happy, focused, disciplined, and clear about their future. It seems to be part of the conservatory culture, and as hard as it is to imagine that many students who look happy are actually dealing with life challenges that create sadness, lack of confidence, loneliness, and a host of other feelings, it is quite true. But they are often putting on another face when they are out in the community for the same reasons you are: because they feel that their success as a performing artist and student will be compromised if they let anyone know the truth.

Many students who look happy and seem confident and focused on the outside are actually dealing with life challenges that create sadness, loneliness, and a host of other feelings.
You don't clarify how you are feeling on the inside, or what has happened in your life. There are so many challenges that are unique to being an international student. You may find yourself feeling lonely, missing home, family, friends, or the family pet. Even though you are surrounded by your colleagues and teachers, there can be feelings of isolation. You can feel very lonely because it seems that you react to things differently than others do, or it doesn't seem that anyone else shares the same values that you have. Adapting to another culture (in this case, actually two cultures: American and the conservatory cultures) can be confusing and very alienating. The demands of being in a competitive learning environment can create immense stress for all students, but for those who are also adjusting to being at a school in New York City, it can all become overwhelming.

The Counseling Service is offering a group experience for those students who want to talk about and share with others what it feels like to adjust to living away from home, the challenges of dealing with being in a foreign culture, and skills for making transitions easier and less painful. The group, called Leaving Home/Transitions, will be open to all students who are interested in sharing experiences or looking for support and guidance in a safe and focused setting. Of course, we recognize that just the action of joining a group to talk about things is in itself very difficult here at Juilliard. The purpose of this group will not be to discuss personal problems. It is more to have a general discussion about challenges faced by international and domestic students in being away from home and/or making the transition into a different culture. We think that students will learn from each other as they share their experiences, and they will also benefit from the perspective offered by a trained professional. Our counselors Dr. Sherry Ross and Linda Lee will facilitate these discussions, and there will be refreshments as well. You might think about coming to listen; there are no rules that require everyone to participate. Keep an eye out for posters announcing the time and place for this group, or call Health Services at ext. 282 or the International Advisement Office at ext. 358 for more information.

Of course, if you are having feelings that you think you'd like to talk about with someone in confidence, or if what you are feeling is starting to interfere with your ability to study and perform, we think it would be a good idea for you to come to the Counseling Service to talk with a counselor. You can either call the private line (769-3918) to leave a message and a therapist will call you back to schedule an appointment, or you may schedule an appointment through the Health Services receptionist (either in person or by calling ext. 282).

Shrink Rap is the monthly advice column of the Juilliard Counseling Service. Students are invited to submit anonymous questions that we can print and answer here by using our suggestion and question box, located in the hall outside the Counseling Service on the 22nd floor of the Rose Building.
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