Grateful for Guidance

Dear Shrink Rap:
I know that submissions to your column are supposed to be questions, but I have something important to say, and it is not a question. The reason I thought I would send it to your column is that I hope you will print it so that many other Juilliard students will have a chance to read about my experience with the Counseling Service. I sincerely hope that I can influence just a few students to make an appointment with you.

I am a fourth-year student, and I am really looking forward to graduating. The part about looking forward is important, because around February of my second year I was seriously thinking about dropping out of school. At the time, I was convinced that my problems were all about Juilliard, and that if I left, my problems would, for the most part, be solved. I confided in a friend who said that maybe I should talk to someone before making such a drastic decision. I thought that she meant I should talk with a teacher, and I did not feel that I could do that without it backfiring. I also knew that I could not talk to my parents because they would freak out hearing that I was thinking of leaving school. I had noticed signs posted in the School about walk-in hours at the Counseling Service. I had never had therapy, and I did not know what it was, but I was sure it was for people who had real mental problems. I didn't feel that I had a mental problem, so I never even considered looking into counseling here at school. The signs said that there was no commitment in seeing a therapist, and they also said that the meetings with therapists were confidential. I realized that my concern about confidentiality was the main reason I felt I could not speak with anyone in the School. I figured I would try out a walk-in session, knowing that I would not have to talk about anything if I did not want to.

Well, my walk-in session turned into a 45-minute conversation that I did not want to end.

A walk-in counseling session saved me from making a big mistake that I would have regretted forever.

After about 10 minutes, I could tell that the therapist knew exactly what I was talking about, and that she was not judging me for my feelings about leaving school. In just this one session, she helped me realize that I was dealing with so many life issues that were overwhelming me that it had become impossible to sort it all out. I am not quite sure why, but just talking to her made me feel a lot better (even though I cried almost the whole time), and I made another appointment.

I ended up going for weekly appointments until the end of school. By May, I had almost forgotten about the strong feelings I had about leaving Juilliard. My therapist helped me understand that so many things were happening to me that were beyond my control, that leaving school was the one thing I felt I could do to gain some control. She also helped me realize that leaving school would be my way of escaping from a lot of my issues, but that giving up my education here was not what I really wanted to do. With my therapist's patient guidance, I stepped back to look at everything, and we worked together to figure out what things I could change, and what things I needed help with in just learning how to cope. I learned so much about myself, and came to appreciate how people deal with problems differently.

I left N.Y.C. for the summer, but of course, problems in my family and a personal relationship issue ended up making me feel sad and overwhelmed again. I was so grateful knowing that I could see my therapist when I got back to Juilliard for the fall semester.

I had a few sessions with her, and then school got very busy, and I felt I was doing O.K. so we decided that I could see her anytime to go through things as they came up. The stresses of third year, along with another personal relationship crisis, made life hard again, but I was able to handle it all without seeing my therapist. I really came to appreciate how much therapy had helped me when I realized that I was able to get through on my own. I saw my therapist for a few sessions at the beginning of this year because I was nervous about life after graduation (and also because of a difficult summer relationship). All I can say is how grateful I am, and that students here do not know how lucky they are to have the Counseling Service. You saved me from making a big mistake that I would have regretted forever, and I feel as though you taught me so much that will be useful for the rest of my life. Thank you.

Happily Looking Forward

Shrink Rap is the monthly advice column of the Juilliard Counseling Service. Students are invited to submit anonymous questions that we can print and answer here by using our suggestion and question box, located in the hall outside the Counseling Service on the 22nd floor of the Rose Building.