Uniquely Yours: Hearing Identity in Music | Student Blog

Nothing is more gratifying for a composer than witnessing your own works come to life beyond what you dared to dream of.

It is an ecstasy that is worth all the months of solitude and self-discipline. A definitive affirmation of how far one has come despite the treacherous road of doubts and obscurity. The unanswered questions that once induced existential despair have opened doors to unrealized dwellings of musical landscapes deserving of special memorialization. The only thing is that they are not merely an imagination anymore but an actual outgrowth, a reality that can be perceived and documented under watchful presence of people who care, right now and in the future.

I was fortunate to be one of the five Juilliard student composers to be selected to write for National Sawdust as part of the inaugural season of the Juilliard-Sawdust Blueprint Fellowship. National Sawdust is a happening venue in Brooklyn that serves as an incubator of experimentation and it has welcomed the footprints of so many great artists since its founding. As an international student who has benefited from New York's vibrant arts scene for four years, I see it as a golden opportunity to contribute back to this throbbing intensity of artistic and cultural momentum - bright, bold fireworks that have set ablaze in me the earliest prospect of visionary beckonings.

No topics should be taboo in art. Similar to what Gustav Mahler said about a symphony, art “must be like the world” and “contain everything.” The piece I have created is titled YAMA, the name of the Buddhist and Hindu god of the Underworld. Yama is known to be wrathful as the judge of the dead, but in my piece I infused more humane qualities to its character through dance, arts and music. Every year, Yama opens the gate of the Underworld for a month during the Hungry Ghost Festival so that these “hungry” souls can replenish themselves with the sincere gifts of the living, and visit their loved ones. I always feel sentimental looking at streets laden with candles that light the deceased’ paths home. I still could remember the bright contours of fruit offerings on paths clouded with incense smoke, the crackles of paper money remnants sizzling in fire embers and the hazy shadows of young and old bending over in utmost devotion. To rekindle this childhood memory in an original piece is truly cathartic.

Seldom do we really ponder about the isolation of Yama, and the enigma that surrounds the god gestures passionately to me. Is there anywhere Yama could return to, or is the underworld the only home he knows?

Against this backdrop, I hope to share two opposite insights of Yama I have. The first being the apparent - mighty, grandiose and the second being vulnerable, pensive and reflective. Rehearsals with Juilliard students have gone really well for the performance on November 17th. It is an absolute delight to partner with respectable colleagues I know and trust my vision with, knowing that our intention to commit is purely for the work’s value. I am playing Yang Qin with them and it is my first experience playing a Chinese instrument with so many western musicians! My gratitude magnifies every passing day and there is no feeling of fulfillment comparable to this, where my heart is secure and my faith stoutly rooted.

In my most honest opinion, I feel that international students have to work extra hard to imprint legacies beyond the stage in their home countries. If we have the desire to further our career abroad, we have to create and expand our own music circles and find a community that supports, understands and believes in our music. So many of my friends came to New York from far, studied, and went back to where they hailed from for work, and how I wish I can continue to see their talents manifest in the city and be a part of this glowing identity.  As a composer, this Sawdust opportunity is a God-given blessing that reminds me that perhaps I am able to dream that “American dream” and be integrated into the arms of its embrace outside the boundaries of comfort and familiarity.

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